Slipping Rivalries
by Purple Peplos
Summary: 1976 began an era unlike any other- it was the year that began James Potter’s insatiable desire for my best friend Lily, Voldemort was at the height of his regime, and the two Black endeavors were neck and neck for the leading underground business of Hogw
1. Prologue

Prologue

The seventies, I have to say, were a _wild_ time. Everyone's teenage years are wild to a certain extent, but that particular decade was simply incomparable. It was a time filled with bright lights and platform shoes, and, at the same time, was filled with dark anxiety and shocking revelations. The light of day was only a filler until night came. Every weekend and after every game of Quidditch, once the sun went down and the Gryffindor Head of House could have her room soundproofed, there would be massive parties--parties in which anything, and I mean literally _anything,_ went. Nothing was barred from us; we were explorers, mapping new territory constantly.

Those seven years at Hogwarts were unlike any the school had ever seen, and we were a generation of students that nobody could ever hope to emulate. School there wasn't school; it was a party, a social event. With the sex and the drugs (and though it sounds clichéd to say, there was also rock and roll in heavy doses) we were constantly in dazes of euphoria in which learning was the least of our thoughts.

If you looked closer at the heart of things, somewhere within the parties there was a sense of maturity about us. When you're living through a war, the loud music is only played to block out the sound of your world collapsing all around you. In situations like this you can choose to exist one of two ways: you can hide, or you can live. Unequivocally, we were too young and bright to hide. Not hiding can get you in trouble, sure, but I can assure you that we never went to sleep with regret.

We were all individualists in Gryffindor; flippant and righteous, we all had roles we played to the best of our abilities. If there was a rule, it was tested. If there was a teacher, we questioned him mercilessly. There was no time for niceties, which we knew without being told.

Every few weeks, Dumbledore would call one of us up to his office to tell us which of our relatives had died, and a couple of hours later, after having been given permission to skip class, we'd find whoever he'd called up either crying in some corner or getting unbelievably smashed. The Marauders had a rule that went unsaid: whenever someone was called up to The Office, they'd get whatever they wanted, however much they wanted, for free. There was, in those times, an unbreakable bond in Gryffindor house. An attack on one was an attack on all. Needless to say, all hell managed to break lose almost every day at the Slytherin table.

The only exception was my best friend, Lily Evans. She was the sort of person you always knew had _class_. She wasn't supposed to be born in our generation at all; she was all 40's Hollywood. She was prim and smart and had an answer to any question you could possibly ask her. I have to admit that I was wildly jealous of her for the longest time. She was gorgeous, and unlike the rest of us, she knew what she wanted from her life. Though we'd never dare admit it, we were lost souls, clinging to our firewhiskey and gillyweed for comfort. She had something better and stranger. She had _goals_.

James Potter decided sometime in the middle of fifth year that he'd like nothing more than to loosen Lily up and show her a good time. At least, that's what he said. I think, in reality, he wanted to catch a bit of clarity, because Lily seemed to have it in droves, and I guess he thought it'd rub off. But Lily was a tough cookie, no matter what anybody said about her, it would take romance on every conceivable level, not just that lustful sort that a fifteen year old boy has to offer, to win her over. It took him a few years to get it right, and it took a few fights…

As for me? Things began really setting themselves in motion in sixth year. I was sixteen years old, gaining more and more clarity and learning every day what the world was really about.

But now I'm getting ahead of myself. Let me back up and begin by saying that I'm Alice, and those years were the years in which we _lived_.


	2. Chapter 1: In Which There Are Troubles W...

Chapter One: In Which There Are Troubles With Alcohol

I was born on December 14, 1960 as Alice Smethwyck to a pureblood family, the only child of two only children, in a private hospital in Cornwall. From my dad, I inherited a thick mane of wavy brown hair, and from my mum I inherited everything else, including a round frame and brownish-hazel eyes. At the time of my birth, we lived in a decently sized house in the English countryside, smaller than one expects of a pureblood family, but comfortable just the same. I still remember it, from the whitewashed walls, to the olive green trim, to the smell of fresh cut grass in the spring. Wildflowers used to grow rampant, and it was in a particularly thick patch that my mum told me I first started walking, in pursuit of a butterfly. I have never completely stopped missing that old house.

We weren't rich, but we had enough. The one thing I should mention, which was an integral part of my rearing and that I only recognized later as unusual, was that I was kept almost completely isolated from other children. We had no neighbors with kids, and witches and wizards don't have mandatory school before Hogwarts. My parents didn't think it necessary to send me to some ministry day care center; they figured that I could best learn the lessons of life from them. In a way, this kept me utterly sheltered, but I think it also taught me things that you can't learn from those horribly judgmental and heartless beasts that children have the capacity of being.

As far as Hogwarts is concerned, once I started attending the school I viewed it as much my home as that old house in the countryside. I gained my first and only best friend on the Hogwarts Express, which, in my opinion, was quite an accomplishment, considering before my eleventh birthday I was rarely to be found with anybody under the age of thirty. Lily was eleven going on forty; even then, she had all her opinions formed and knew exactly how to utilize the world in such a way that she could have everything. Even though she was Muggleborn, she'd made sure to do her research, and when I met her she probably knew more about the wizarding world than I did. I liked her because talking to her was like talking to an adult, and adults, as I've said, were the only friends I'd ever had.

We were both sorted into Gryffindor, and though Lily was confused that the hat had refused to put her into Ravenclaw (and from what she told me, I think that she had a bit of an argument with it when it had refused to explain itself), that suited us just fine. Lily was the more outgoing of both of us to start; at first, the only friends I made I met through her. After a few months had passed, however, I finally found the child in myself that I never knew existed. My world was a bright place, filled with shining new possibilities. I had friends, I was learning, and I had never been more excited to wake up in the morning.

In 1972, a year after I was accepted to Hogwarts, my parents got a divorce. Dad, though he was probably the most adoring parent you could ask for, had developed a drinking problem when I was about nine years old. I rarely ever saw it, because he'd come home long after I'd gone to bed, but needless to say, I had always known it was an underlying issue. It had depleted our family's money and, apparently, my mum's patience as well. She shocked everybody, because back in those days, especially in pureblood families, divorce was pretty much unheard of. I won't lie and say that this didn't bother me, but there's nothing I could do about it, and I learned to accept it.

My mum sold our house and moved in with her boyfriend, Carlos, in the middle of my fourth year, while my dad had a string of girlfriends who seemed to get progressively younger as I got older. Mostly I lived with my mum and Carlos, but sometimes I'd visit my dad too. While I was at Hogwarts, I always made sure to send them an equal amount of letters so that neither would feel like I'd taken sides. Lily was the only one who knew anything about my parents, and even she knew the barest details. It was probably one of the few things I never really discussed with her.

During my first few years at Hogwarts, we began hearing whispers of someone who called himself Lord Voldemort. This whispering, as time passed, became louder and louder until it seemed the world was shouting about him right into our ears. We tried as best we could to ignore it, taking up a manner that adults had adopted already, but it was no use. His name--or rather, the title they gave him when they were too afraid to say it any more, 'the Dark Lord'--was emblazoned on the front of every newspaper and his existence was felt in every family. Sickeningly enough, his presence in our lives eventually became the norm, and we couldn't remember life without it.

Sixth year, again, was the year in which things really began taking off. It was the year after Bellatrix Black had left school, and her sisters were left to take care of their business, Black Diamonds. Black Diamonds was an operation that Bellatrix had established her first year, one which had more alcohol than even the Marauders could hope to get their hands on. With the dangerous combination of being both aesthetically pleasing and unafraid of rule breaking, the Black sisters and the Marauders had made their fortunes before they even turned seventeen, all off of materials that could have gotten them arrested if anybody reported them. Of course, nobody did.

Undoubtedly, it was Black Diamonds that had inspired the beginning of the Marauder's entrepreneurship, and while Gryffindors loyally purchased anything they wanted from the Marauders, and though they had more variety in their merchandise, Black Diamonds had always managed to rake in more revenue. Now that Bellatrix had left, and having just run away from home four months prior, Sirius Black was determined to finally outdo his cousins.

On the Hogwarts Express, everyone who was in third year or above (and not in Slytherin, obviously) was eagerly anticipating the traditional post-feast round of firewhiskey that the Marauders had been hosting since third year. And when I say round, I mean a party occurred that caused people to stumble to their dormitories at two in the morning and wake up a few hours later begging said Marauders for their self-patented hangover potion. It had managed, somehow, to go without any problems the three years that it had been going on, but Lily had resolved that that year she would put a stop to it.

"I don't see why I didn't last year," she said to me seriously as we sat alone in the Prefect's carriage. Technically, I wasn't supposed to be there, but as Lily and Severus Snape were the only ones who really took their jobs seriously, nobody took issue with it. "I mean, I'm a Prefect! Isn't it my job to stop that sort of thing?"

"You're in over your head, is all I can say," I told her, propping my legs up on her skinny lap and leaning my head against the compartment wall. "You can try, certainly, but think about it, Lily. You are one person, while three-fourths of the school lives for that party. I can almost promise you that they will make your life utter hell."

I would never admit it to Lily, but something about those parties thrilled me. I never got drunk, but I'd take the occasional sip and--well--even though they disgusted me with their vomit and obnoxious behavior, I liked seeing people enjoy themselves, especially in times like those. Not to mention the Marauders were my friends, and they were always nice to me. I actually wanted Lily to get to know the rest of them, not just Remus, and knew that any chance of their friendship would be destroyed if Lily told about their parties and their alcohol sales.

"I know," she sighed, putting her head in her hands and letting her lovely auburn hair hang in a curtain in front of her. "It's just, you know, I'm sick of them not listening. They'll hurt someone someday." By 'they' she meant, of course, James and Sirius.

"Don't be dramatic, Lily," I said, patting her comfortingly. "They're immature, not stupid. They know when enough is enough."

"Do they?" she asked angrily, sitting up again. "I'm not so sure. At least not Potter."

"You mean because he pesters you with requests for a date at least once a week? That's different. He _likes_ you."

Lily made a sound that I would call something between a grunt and a snort if it had come from anybody else. From her, however, it was what I guessed was a sound of utter disbelief.

"Sure. Call animal lust whatever you'd like. However, I wasn't talking about that. I was talking about Snape."

I knew she was right, but I felt that the Marauders were unable to properly defend themselves in this situation, and it was up to me to do so in their place.

"He is a malicious person, dear, no matter what you'd like to believe on the contrary."

"Yes, well, they still have no right to be so cruel to him."

"He had no right to call you a Mudblood last year."

"If you'll recall, Potter had him suspended in the air and was in the process of removing his trousers."

I smiled.

"Which, if _you'll _recall, was hilarious."

Lily's mouth worked furiously to fight what was inevitable, and in a moment, she was smiling back.

"In a morbid, disgusting way, considering it was something I hope never in my life to see again."

We laughed, and I was relieved that, at least for that moment, Lily had forgotten about telling about the party.

When we'd changed into our robes and she left the compartment to patrol the corridors (and perhaps hex James if she saw a good opportunity, which, in Lily's opinion, was always), I slipped out and began searching for Sirius, the one who organized the party. I knew that he wouldn't be hard to find, because wherever he was, a crowd usually followed. Sirius was, if anything, a ladies' man.

Just as I suspected, I quickly found Sirius sitting in the center of a compartment halfway down the train with James Potter and Peter Pettigrew on either side of him and several other people surrounding them. Most of them, I noticed with disgust, were simpering girls. Sirius, as usual, was almost oblivious to all the attention he was receiving, and grinned widely at me when I slid open the compartment door.

"Oy! Smethwyck!" he called, as though I was across a Quidditch pitch instead of five feet away. "How the bloody hell was your summer?"

I rolled my eyes at him, though I couldn't help indulging him with a smile. "You realize that it's quicker to just call me Alice, don't you? Anyways, it was fantastic. Ace, really. The trip to Majorca with my dad was completely cancelled and I spent the summer locked in my room."

"Bad luck," he said, shaking his head, "but I'm sure you were pining for me all the same."

"Of course."

"Come here, love, I've missed you." He patted his lap suggestively.

Sirius and I didn't have a romantic relationship, no matter how evocative our language. He was like my brother--that is, if your brother frequently pretended to snog you and lick your ear in public.

I complied and sat on his lap. I wasn't the tiniest thing, but I managed to perch myself comfortably, nonetheless. I think that some of the girls in that compartment hated me very much after that.

"Hello James, Peter," I said, nodding at them.

Peter gave me a vague nod, while James smiled at me and said, "Hey, Alice. Have a nice summer?" He and I had always gotten along alright, but since he started pursuing Lily he'd made it one of his main priorities.

Perhaps he thought that if he was nice enough to me, I'd go to Lily and say, "Yes, that James Potter, he's a nice fellow, isn't he?", and she'd say, "Oh yes, I quite agree.". He didn't seem to realize that Lily wasn't that simple, but it was lovely to have somebody who _had_ to be nice to you, nonetheless. After exchanging smiles, James began addressing the others in the room. All of a sudden, I could feel something tugging at my hair.

"Much as I adore you, I did come for a reason," I said to Sirius, trying to turn my head to face him. "What are you doing back there?"

"Shush," he replied, "and turn around. I'm trying to braid your hair."

"Braid James's. God knows it's long enough."

Peter, who had still been listening to us, tittered nervously at this, then stopped, checking to make sure it was alright to. When he saw nobody else laughing, he turned red and looked down. Sirius, however, grinned.

"Quite right. Smart girl." He patted me on the head. "That's what I love about you. We should get married, really."

"Ha," I said. "When you can give me five good reasons, I'll consider."

"Tut tut, you're so cold."

"No, but really, I need to talk to you."

"Fine," he sighed. He pushed me unceremoniously from his lap, then beamed at everyone in the compartment.

"Alice and I have business to discuss," he announced loudly. He wriggled his eyebrows suggestively, and I could once again feel the hatred rolling off of the other girls in waves.

"So, what's the problem?" Sirius asked once we got outside. He leaned against the frosted compartment door, his hip sticking out and completely unaware of how suggestive his stance was. I raised and eyebrow, then said, quietly in case Lily wasn't far off--

"You need to keep the drinking party tame tonight. That, or cancel."

"What!" Sirius cried, straightening. For the first time he looked serious, and he stared at me as though I was crazy.

"If you don't, Lily will tell McGonagall."

"What!" he cried again, "She can't! That--that goes against the rules! The rules of Gryffindor!"

I sighed, trying to think of how to make him understand. I ran my hand through the sloppy braid Sirius had made of my hair, eventually undoing the whole thing.

"Lily operates by the rules of Hogwarts," I said. "She takes her job seriously."

"What _job_!" Sirius asked, dismayed. "This is the Year of All Years! Bellatrix is out of the running, Andro and Cissa have no idea how to run the business, and we are the forerunners for the top providers in our school! Doesn't Evans realize we've been striving for this for six fucking years?"

"Unlike Remus, she thinks being a Prefect means something." I explained, "And while I see what you're talking about, she's my best friend and I support her on this." Never mind that I didn't completely. He didn't need to know that.

Sirius's eyes became slits as he scowled at the compartment across the corridor. Then he rubbed his eyes distractedly.

"Alright," he said, "what do you propose I do?"

"Cancel it. Or move the date."

"No, no," he said impatiently. "That won't work." We stood in awkward silence for what felt like an eternity, when abruptly he pounded the door he was leaning on with his fist.

"How-can-James-like-that-_bitch_?" he grunted, hitting the door after each word. "Damn!" he hissed as the glass broke. From inside the compartment, the girls screamed. "Alright there, Pads?" James called.

"Are you ok, Sirius?" Peter echoed.

"Bloody…brilliant. Just brill," Sirius said through clenched teeth. He whipped out his wand, repaired the door, then looked down at his hand, which was bleeding profusely.

"Shit, Sirius," I swore, pulling out my own wand, "couldn't you have waited until we got to Hogwarts at least?"

I cast a quick cleaning charm on his hand, causing the streams of crimson to be scrubbed from his hand by invisible soap and water. Though Sirius's quick intake of breath told me that it stung, he managed to smile at me grimly.

"Fancy wandwork, Al," he said. "I had no idea you were so domestic."

"Shut up," I shot back at him. "I shouldn't have even helped you. Take back that crap you said about Lily."

"Alice, you know I didn't mean--"

"_Take it back_, or I swear to high heaven I'll make salt come out of this wand and right into that hand of yours."

"You wouldn't."

"Try me."

"Fine," Sirius said, conjuring a bandage and wrapping it around his hand. "But I still have no idea how I'm going to--" he stopped, and his eyes got huge. Slowly, a grin spread over his face, and while the effect was rather pretty, it scared the hell out of me.

"Sirius?" I asked uncertainly. "Sirius, what are you planning? Oh God, don't tell me you've had a brilliant idea." The last time Sirius had had a 'brilliant idea', there had been missing limbs involved. Of course, he never admitted that he was wrong; simply that "figures instrumental to the plan's success hadn't followed through." And yes, those were his exact words.

It was clear that whatever he had up his sleeve, he wasn't going to tell me. He ruffled my hair affectionately and opened the door to the compartment.

"Don't worry, Alice. Just go back to your darling Lillikins and know that I have everything under control."

"That's why I'm worried," I said. He ignored me, and as he went back into the compartment, I shouted after him, "And I wouldn't call her Lillikins in her presence if I were you!" He gave me a wink, then shut the door with a snap. For a moment, I wondered in abject horror what I had done, then turned away, hoping that Sirius was simply planning on canceling, or at least moving the location as far away from Lily Evans's patrolling district as he could.

But Sirius Black was Sirius Black, and when had Sirius Black ever moved or cancelled a drinking party? To this day, I can honestly tell you the answer to that question is 'never'.

The next few hours I spent between talking with Lily and visiting with various other people who I hadn't seen all summer. Once we approached the train station and Lily had left to help students off the train, I sought out our good friend Marlene McKinnon. I found her in a compartment near the end of the train, having a rather heated snogging session with her seventh year boyfriend, Amos Diggory. When I opened the door to the compartment, there was a moment of heavy swearing, followed by a rather uncoordinated attempt to detangle themselves from each other's limbs.

"Are you quite sure you're done?" I asked, raising my eyebrows and resisting the urge to laugh, if only barely. Marlene scowled at me. Marlene was pretty, though she had a heavy dependency on makeup, and was very, _very_ promiscuous. Her mascara, at that moment was smeared, and I could see some of it on Amos's nose. I wondered idly how they'd managed to get into _that _position.

"What is it, Smethwyck?" she groaned.

"Sorry," I said, not sorry at all, "but isn't Amos Head Boy? Isn't he supposed to go help students off the train now?"

Amos checked his watch and cursed again.

"I'll see you, Lee," he said, kissing her once more. She kissed him back, and they very quickly would have started up their former activities if I hadn't cleared my throat loudly.

"Nice seeing you, Alice," he grunted, then left quickly.

"What'd you do that for?" Marlene whined.

"Would you have him be fired his first day on the job?"

"Yes," she said, rolling off the seat and landing on the floor with a loud 'oof' sound. She sat up and wrinkled her nose. "I've heard having Head Boy for a boyfriend is horrid. I'm thinking about breaking up with him."

"You started dating him two weeks ago, Marlene." It was true. Their relationship had only begun while she was shopping for school supplies in Diagon Alley and he'd saved her from an angry kneazle.

"I--I know," she said uncomfortably, "but I want a boyfriend who gives me _attention_."

It had looked to me like Marlene was getting _plenty_ of attention, but I didn't bother point that out. Instead, I smiled wickedly and said to her,

"He calls you _Lee?_"

She gave me an ugly look.

"Shut up, Alice."

The sorting and the feast, surprisingly enough, went without a hitch. Lily, I was shocked to see, still had all her limbs intact at the end. I had just begun to relax, and was even able to stop shooting Sirius glances every two minutes. As she got up to help show the first years to the common room, however, I knew at once something was wrong. I got out of my seat and fought through the crowd of students who had just gotten up to leave, keeping my eyes focused on a mop of black hair that poked slightly above most people's heads.

"What did you do, Black?" I snarled, stopping him in the sea of students.

"Nothing!" he cried, though his innocent smile betrayed him. Sirius was never, _ever_ innocent.

"Don't lie to me," I said, pointing at Lily, who was just leaving the Great Hall and was almost impossible to see through all the bodies that were between us. "Look at her! She's swaying like she's about to faint!"

Sirius squinted to see who I was pointing at, and when he caught sight of her, he shrugged nonchalantly.

"Maybe she's decided to lighten up."

"And you wouldn't have had anything to do with that?"

"_Maybe_ my hand slipped a little over her pumpkin juice."

I stared at Sirius in disbelief.

"You spiked her drink? Bloody hell, Sirius, is there something wrong in there?" I cried, finally finding my voice. "You don't _do_ that!" I had never felt so much like I was talking to a child.

I made my way to Gryffindor common room, feeling like I was swimming in molasses with all the people who surrounded me. All the while, I was afraid I was either going to find Lily fallen at the bottom of a staircase being trampled on, or throwing up on some first years. However, I managed to get to the portrait of the Fat Lady without seeing hide or hair of Lily. I stood awkwardly in front of her until some fourth years came from behind me and said it. I quickly thanked them and entered the common room.

The Marauders had out the decorations that they always managed to mysteriously erect without leaving the Great Hall any sooner than the rest of us. There were glass balls painted different colors that were suspended by doxies. The doxies were coated with an illuminating potion, which caused the balls to appear lit up. Already, the alcohol had been brought out, and people were beginning to get comfortable. On the couches several of them were getting comfortable with their boyfriends and girlfriends. There were several more couples swaying wildly to the beat of music I didn't recognize, and a knot of people had gathered in the corner. I assumed that either they were doing a drug deal or trying to orchestrate the beginnings of a massive orgy. At once, I turned away. They'd almost managed it once, last year, and if it caught on again, I didn't want any of them mistakenly sweeping me into it. I shuddered at the thought.

Not seeing Lily, I sought out one of the Marauders. Sirius wasn't around, and I didn't expect him to be any time soon. For some reason, though he was always enthusiastic about them, he never actually attended his own parties. Remus would be in bed, "not having any idea what was going on". James was usually in the midst of things, making sure everybody was having a good time, and so I searched the bar. Peter Pettigrew was always forced to be bartender.

Surprisingly, it was James there, not Peter.

"James!" I cried, walking up to the bar briskly. "Where's Peter?"

"Gave him the night off," he said shortly.

Personally thinking that poor Peter probably deserved it and realizing, suddenly, how thirsty I was, I said simply, "Give me a water, will you?"

He grunted, and I noticed that he had his eyes fixed on the knot in the corner.

"James!" I said loudly.

He cursed as the water from the tap he was using overflowed onto his hand. He shoved the drink at me, and then wiped his hand on his robes.

"Good thing it's just water," I said, taking a gulp. When he didn't respond, I quickly lost patience with him.

"Look, do you know where Lily is?" I asked. "Sirius told me what he bloody did with her drink, he fucking _spiked_ it…"

James pointed to the knot he'd been staring at, and I realized that they were neither planning an orgy or dealing drugs. They were catcalling and cheering for somebody in the center. With a sinking feeling in my stomach, I turned to James, who was still staring with a mixture of jealousy and wistfulness, and had his head resting on his fist.

"Is that Lily in there?" I demanded. When he nodded, I let go of any pretense of politeness and pushed his elbow off the bar, causing his face to fall forward.

"What is wrong with you?" I asked angrily. "Why didn't you _help_ her if you effing love her so much?"

Not waiting for him to answer me, I rudely butted my way through the cluster, using my elbows as much as possible and occasionally getting elbows shot back at me. In the heart of them was Lily, utterly drunk and dancing in a way that made me stop for a minute and stare. Where had she learned that? But then I shook myself and shot forward, grabbed her elbow and dragged her out. There were several groans of disappointment, and somebody who I think was from Hufflepuff even shouted, "Hey Smethwyck, afraid to let her have fun? What is she, your _girlfriend_?" But I completely ignored it. Cold fury towards the Marauders and concern for Lily made me immune to their comments, at least for the moment.

Lily, too, was protesting.

"Alice, no, _no_, I want to dance and have fun like--like every--haha--everybody else."

I didn't bother to answer. I'd seen my father get drunk a small handful of times and knew it was stupid to even think that anything I said would be actually processed. Lily was leaning on me more and more as we got closer to the stairs, until finally I was almost carrying her. James emerged from behind the bar, but I gave him a warning look.

"Don't talk to me right now, Potter," I said dangerously. "I swear, you'll regret it."

He looked like he was going to say something, then decided against it.

Lily had spotted him too, and her forehead was furrowed in concentration, as though she was searching for the right words to say.

"Detention, Potter," she said eventually, sounding so much like her usual self that I looked at her in surprise to make sure she hadn't just pretended to be drunk. But then she dissolved into a fit of giggles. Without another glance at James, I hauled her up the staircase and into our dormitory. As usual, all of our things were already set out in the room, and I heaved Lily onto her bed, which was closest to the window. She allowed me to take off her socks and shoes in silence, and also let me pull the sheets up around her. Once I had done that, she started giggling again and tried to get up. I pushed her back down.

"No, Lily," I said. "You need to go to sleep."

"Why-y?" she asked, her green eyes going wide.

"Because--" I hesitated and tried to think of a good reason. Finally I said, "Because you're a Prefect and you don't want Dumbledore to be disappointed in you."

She gave an exasperated sigh.

"Sometimes…" she said, in an exaggerated whisper, "sometimes I think I'm a rather miserable Prefect."

"Nonsense," I said comfortingly, smoothing her hair from her forehead, "but you need to sleep now. You'll need your strength scream at Potter tomorrow."

She frowned.

"I--I hate screaming at Potter," she said, sitting up slightly and leaning toward me. "Why can't he just act like--" she stopped, and then her face turned a distinctly green hue. Abruptly, she ducked her head and made a loud vomiting sound. I slowly closed my eyes in disgust as the barely digested contents of Lily's dinner ended up in my lap. She coughed, then laid her head down on the pillow. I took a few deep breaths, then opened my eyes.

"Lily?" But she was asleep.

"Damn," I whispered. "Damn, you'd better like me a whole lot, Evans." I performed a cleaning spell on my lap, and though it did the job, I quickly slipped out of my robes and uniform and into an overlarge shirt and loose cotton pants that were my pajamas. I climbed into my bed and sighed at the feeling of the clean sheets against my skin. It was like being welcomed by a mother's embrace. In spite of everything that had happened, I couldn't resist a small sigh of contentment. I was home.


	3. Chapter 2: In Which There Are Letters an...

Chapter 2: In Which There Are Letters and Gossip

The next morning I woke up to the sound of a thud. Blearily, I opened the curtains around my bed and found Lily, on the ground and holding her head, moaning. I could barely see her outline, however, so I stood up and pulled open the red velvet curtains on the windows. At once the moaning grew louder. I hesitated, torn as to whether I should close them again, but decided against it.

"Wake up, girls." I said, my voice irritatingly cheery in my own ears, "It's our first day back!"

Dorcas Meadowes, a tall, bronze girl with black hair, was the first girl besides me to slowly start to get up. She, like the others, was in a horrible condition, but she had admirable discipline. She was a star player on the Gryffindor Quidditch team, and there is no doubt that if James hadn't been captain last year, she would have.

Meanwhile, Marlene, I could see through the gap in her bed curtains, was pulling the blankets over her head, and the bed that should have held Bertha Jorkins didn't show any signs of life at all.

Seeing that they were mostly content to wallow in agony rather than do anything, I sighed.

"I suppose I'll get that potion, shall I?"

Lily was the only one to respond, and she just managed to do that by whimpering.

I threw some robes on before leaving, then made my way towards the Marauders' dormitory. I felt apprehensive; no matter how good of friends with them I might have been, I tried to avoid their room whenever possible. It was their base of operations, and I didn't care to see what they did in their spare time, even if I had a pretty good guess. When I arrived, they already had a table out, and Peter, ever the servant, was attempting to sell hangover potions. He was doing a rather miserable job of it; he would get so flustered trying to give back proper change and write down everyone's name in his giant accounting book that several people grabbed potions when he wasn't looking and ran off with them. I rolled my eyes at the slow moving line and, finally, I found myself before Peter. He was perspiring heavily, and I grimaced.

"They made you sell it again, did they?" I asked him. I always tried to be nice to him when I could.

He nodded, and I gave him what I thought was a smile. However, it must have been particularly gruesome, as it made him flinch and look away.

"Just give me four, Peter."

He put four clear glass bottles on the table, then held out his fleshy hand.

"F-four sickles."

I dug into my robes and found my coin purse. I pulled out the money and was about to put it into his palm when a hand closed over mine and a familiar voice said "That won't be necessary. She gets them for free."

I could hear people around me exclaiming that it wasn't fair. I wrenched my hand from the one I knew to be Sirius's, picked up the bottles, then glared at him.

"I'm still mad at you." I said childishly.

"I figured that." Sirius said, running a hand through his hair. "How can I say I'm sorry?"

"You can't." I sniffed, walking away, "You aren't sorry. You had your party and it was a smashing success."

"You think so?"

I didn't bother to respond. I took the steps that led to the girl's dormitory, and Sirius continued to plead with me at the foot of them.

"Alice? Come now! Please?"

"No." I said firmly. For some reason, I turned back, and my heart plummeted at the look on Sirius's face. It was one of superiority; he knew that I would forgive him and that he didn't have to beg any more, and, in fact, he had only done so to begin with for begging's sake. The worst part was that he was right; I was hopeless at holding grudges. In that instant, I felt unspeakably cheap and used.

I wrenched open the door to our dormitory, then slammed it shut. The four girls in there groaned in anguish.

"Sorry." I said softly. "Here now, drink this."

One by one I brought the bottles to their lips and forced the potion down their throats, a routine that I had done for them a thousand times before. Slowly their appearances improves, until all four of them were fully recovered, rosy cheeked and healthy looking. They began to get ready, and Lily came to sit next to me on my bed where I was thinking on the situation with Sirius.

"What happened?" Lily asked, "The last thing I remember is the feast…and I…my mouth has a horrible taste in it."

I hesitated, trying to figure out how to best tell her what had taken place. I first made sure that Bertha was safely in the bathroom and out of earshot, then I told her, as gently as I possibly could.

When I finished, she had gone pale, and she looked like she might throw up again.

"I- I what?" she asked throatily, "Oh God, Alice…how can I…I can never…"

"Don't worry about it." I said, ever the comforter, "Nobody will remember, they all got drunk same as you."

She leaned over and put her head on my shoulder.

"Black and Potter will remember." she moaned, "even Pettigrew will know. They don't get drunk, and…oh God, even if nobody remembered I'm so ashamed, you must think so horribly of me now…"

"No, no." I said quickly. I didn't respond to the comment about Sirius and James, because she was right. I could only hope that they'd never bring it up. We sat in the same position for a while, until Bertha came out of the bathroom. She studied us and frowned.

"What's with you?" she asked in a would-be-casual voice.

"Nothing." I said, standing up.

"Right." Lily said thickly, "Nothing."

Bertha continued to look suspicious, but I went to the bathroom to temporarily escape her.

After I had taken a shower and gotten dressed, Dorcas and Bertha had already left. Marlene was sitting on her bed, telling a story about some conquest or other, and Lily was sitting on hers, pretending to be interested. When she saw me, she looked relieved.

"Right. Are you girls ready to go?" I asked. Lily still seemed apprehensive, but Marlene jumped up eagerly.

"I thought you'd never ask." she laughed, "I told Fabian I'd meet him in-" she paused and checked her watch, "oh, well, I was supposed to meet him five minutes ago."

"As in Fabian Prewett?" I asked incredulously.

"Yes. He's absolutely gorgeous, and he's in Ravenclaw too."

As we grabbed our bags and followed Marlene out, Lily and I exchanged glances. Not only was Fabian Prewett extremely good-looking and smart, but incredibly rude. He seemed to believe that people came in ranks (his being the highest, of course) and that he could only be seen associating with people of that rank. Therefore, I was horrified when Marlene turned to me.

"I could set you up with his brother, Gideon. He's just out of Hogwarts, and he has a job and everything." she beamed as though she had done me some incredible favor.

Marlene was always trying to set me up with people who she had either deemed unworthy of her time or who she had already dated. She did this specifically for me, because Lily's only trouble with boys was that James chased them all off, Dorcas would punch anybody who suggested dating, and Bertha was so unpleasant that Marlene didn't even bother. While the attempts seemed to be good-hearted, she had the habit of choosing the most horrible people. Last time, it had been Barty Jr., a boy who was so obviously in love with Marlene that he'd agreed in hopes of winning her favor. I had thought that one to be the worst, but Gideon Prewett…that one just took the cake.

He, too, had been in Ravenclaw, and he'd made it a point to torture me mercilessly my first four years at Hogwarts. Once he had been made a prefect, he'd stopped, but I still felt that every time he saw me he was thinking something horribly unpleasant.

"No thank you." I managed to say.

"Come on Alice, why?" she whined, "I know he was a bit of a prat in first year-"

"-and all the years following it." Lily muttered.

"-but he's really nice now." Marlene finished.

"I'll think about it." I lied as we reached the Great Hall. I didn't feel like arguing.

What I should say, and for the longest time I refused to admit it, was that I always tried to please people. It came, I think, from some deeply rooted belief that I never fit in. It began when I first came to Hogwarts and saw the two groups of people, muggleborn and pureblood. The purebloods were an altogether different sort than I was- they had this incredible blasé attitude about everything, not in the least concerned about what would be happening to them. The muggleborns were all passionately curious, wide-eyed in all that they did. I…I was somewhere in the middle, neither one nor the other. Though eventually everyone was on the same footing, I still felt terribly alone, in spite of Lily and later the Marauders and Marlene and any other of my friends. I didn't understand the way they worked; like how somebody falling down was funny, or how it was cool to break as many rules as you could. Lily didn't think those things, obviously, but she understood why the were that way; I didn't.

So like I said, I became a people pleaser. I did whatever was asked of me, believing that I owed people something for their friendship. I hated to fight; it seemed silly, and I loathed the insecurity of not having people like me. Sirius took advantage of this, just as he did with Remus, to get away for what he shouldn't, and Marlene used it to make herself feel like she was a good friend for pitying me.

Marlene danced off to the Ravenclaw table, where rusty haired Fabian was smirking and asking a flushed second year a question. Lily and I made our way to the Gryffindor table, Lily trying to hide her insecurity while I steadfastly avoided Sirius's gaze. We seated ourselves as far away from him and James as possible and therefore found ourselves sitting across from Bertha. She barely took any notice of us, as she was studying the Slytherin table.

As I spread marmalade on my toast, Lily finally ventured to speak to her.

"Er- what're you doing, Bertha?"

She shook her head slightly, causing her yellow locks to bounce every which way.

"What?" she asked, "Nothing, nothing." She looked away from the Slytherin table and concentrated hard on her food. I was unconvinced. Her 'nothing' sounded like the ones that Lily and I had just used earlier when we had talked to her. I craned my neck to see what was happening with the Slytherins, but all I saw were Narcissa and Andromeda, acting, as always, like the royal family of Hogwarts. There was no sign of an upcoming prank or anything of that sort. I frowned.

"Schedules." Lily said, sticking them under my nose. I jolted out of my reverie and took them. Looking down, I groaned.

"Professor Binns still teaches Advanced History of Magic?"

Lily, who was scanning her schedule thoroughly, barely looked up.

"I thought he died?" she said.

"So did I."

"I heard that he's a ghost." Bertha said conspiratorially, "I heard he doesn't even know he's dead."

"How do you know?" I countered.

She smirked knowingly.

"Nearly Headless Nick told me."

Lily clicked her tongue.

"Sir Nicholas." she said sternly, "Sir Nicholas De Mimsy Porpington. Honestly, why can't you say the whole thing, Bertha?"

I looked at her in confusion, and could see that beneath her lowered lashes, her eyes were dancing. I grinned. Bertha was perhaps the one person in the world who Lily played her subtle jokes on, and she was the one person who would take the most offense to them.

Bertha made a face.

"Evans, you're possibly the one person in the world who would care." She got up, grabbed her unfinished toast, and flounced off.

"She's crazy." I said, shaking my head. "Either that or embarrassed."

Lily finally looked up from her schedule, sighing deeply.

"Oh well." she said, "Probably both. If she's right about Binns though…"

"There goes all of our hopes that he'd die, hm?"

Lily smiled superiorly.

"I have no idea what you mean, Alice."

"Sod off, damn prefect." I laughed. We were able to eat in peace for a time, until all four Marauders came up to us. Lily put her head in her hand and looked away. I could have killed her, leaving me to deal with them myself.

"What do you want?" I asked, more rudely than I'd intended.

Sirius crossed his arms.

"We're not here for you, Prissy Knickers." he informed me solemnly. "We're here for that one." He pointed at Lily.

"Wh-Oh." It had become a tradition that once every week, the Marauders would accompany James to ask Lily out on a date.

"I think we know the answer already, really." I sighed, "Just leave her alone."

At this, James ran a hand through his hair.

"Evans?" he asked, using his ridiculous deep voice that he reserved for moments like these. Lily simply folded her arms across the table and put her head completely down.

"Just go." I said softly, "James, you're making an idiot of yourself."

James, seeing how absolutely miserable Lily seemed, looked like he was about to comply, but Sirius stopped him, looking upset.

"No, James, you keep at it." he said, looking straight into my eyes challengingly. "She's just a girl, she'll break eventually."

Lily's head shot up at this, but I replied before she could open her mouth,

"Why ever would she want to go out with an idiotic boy who thinks only of himself?"

"Here, now-" James began, but Sirius and I were only talking to and about each other.

"Because she's a do-gooder with a stick up her arse and doesn't know how to take a joke!" His voice was raised now.

"She knows how to take a good one, it's just he doesn't know _how_ to be funny!"

"Is that supposed to bother me?"

"Yes, it should!"

"Enough." Remus said, uncharacteristically firm. Sirius and I both looked at him in surprise.

"Shut it, Moony." he said nastily. He turned back to me, but I was already getting up, feeling exhausted and something else, horrible sensation in my stomach. This, I realized, was guilt. That thing in my head that told me I had to please everyone was scolding me, saying _what have you done, you've ruined everything._

"Thank you, Remus." I said. "Come on, Lily."

Lily got up as well, smiling at Remus and sending a glare to both James and Sirius. Sirius said under his breath,

"Well, I hope Evans was more sociable last night."

"Yes, I'd definitely say she was." James said, sounding somewhat bitter. Beside me, Lily stiffened.

"Come on, Lily, don't-" I started. It was to late. She whipped out her wand, and shouted,

"Tarantallegra!"

Instantly, James broke out into a wild dance. He shouted loudly as his limbs flew every which way, threatening to pull themselves from their sockets. Lily surveyed her work with satisfaction.

"Now we can go." she said evenly. Sirius pulled his own wand out, but before he could do anything, Professor McGonagall swooped down on us furiously.

"What's going on here?" she demanded, "No, don't tell me. Miss Evans, I'm surprised. Our first day, and already hexing your own house?" she rounded on Remus, who was staring at the ground. "And you, Mr. Lupin, have you been petrified? Why didn't you handle this?"

"I'm sorry, Professor." Lily said, "I allowed Potter's words to get the best of my judgment."

"And you, Mr. Lupin?"

Remus didn't reply, and looked as though he wished the floor would open up and swallow him whole.

"Five points from Gryffindor." she said. It appeared that Lily was going to say something, but Professor McGonagall held up her hand.

"Another word, Miss Evans, and it will be ten." Lily looked like she'd been stricken. Generally, McGonagall favored her, and Lily, in turn, found losing house points to be one of the most loathsome things one could do. McGonagall turned on her heel and began walking away.

"Oy! Minnie! Aren't you going to put James right?"

McGonagall turned around very, very slowly, and when she was fully facing Sirius, her mouth was the thinnest of lines.

"That is Professor to you, Mr. Black. And I believe that you are fully capable of 'putting Mr. Potter right', as you so eloquently put it." She left without another word, and Lily and I did as well. Lily and I both felt awful. She, because she knew she felt she'd utterly betrayed her position, and I because I'd known, the instant that Sirius had dared call Professor McGonagall 'Minnie', that I forgave him completely.

Even seeing Professor Binns enter class through the blackboard that morning was not enough to distract me from my misery.

* * *

Andromeda Black, Bertha hissed in my ear that night, was pregnant.

When she said this, I dropped my goblet of pumpkin juice on my lap, causing Fabian, who was sitting on my other side, and Marlene, who was sitting in his lap, to say the most atrocious things as some juice dribbled onto them. Bertha found this a highly rewarding response, and leaned back to survey the fruits of her effort. I was the only one who had heard what she had said, so naturally, everyone wanted to know what she'd said, including Sirius, who was sitting across from me. Lily was having a meeting with the other prefects and head students, and I was not able to see how she'd react.

"Ask _her_." I spluttered, pointing at Bertha and placing one of those endlessly useful cleaning spells on my lap. She tried, and utterly failed, I might add, to look modest.

"Your cousin is pregnant." she said pointedly to Sirius.

"Which one?" he asked, eyed narrowed, "If Bellatrix has finally-"

"No, no, it isn't Bellatrix." Bertha said impatiently. "It's Andromeda."

Sirius's mouth went slack. All of us turned to look at Andromeda. Her stomach _was _looking suspiciously round, but it wasn't enough to accuse her of anything other than overeating over the summer holidays.

James, who was sitting next to Sirius, said loudly, "You mean to tell me she's- and she isn't-" he narrowed his eyes at Bertha as though he'd like very much to accuse her of lying. "How could she be pregnant?"

Marlene rolled her eyes and slid off of Fabian's lap, making things even more crowded that they'd been a moment before. They were the only two who didn't seem to care.

"How does one generally go about getting pregnant, James?" she asked meanly, "Honestly, you're a boy, don't you know?"

James turned very red. Sirius looked at Marlene and said, in shock,

"But- Andromeda can't have-"

"And why not?" Fabian asked, tossing his blond hair disdainfully, "She's older than you; You probably have."

Sirius made a sound like a dying animal. I winced.

"Would you know, Prewett?" he demanded, "Have you done something with her?"

Fabian looked over Andromeda with an eye filled with scrutiny. At the moment, she was looking rather pretty, with her crow colored hair let down and looking much less aloof than her nearly identical older sister. He shrugged.

"No." He looked like he might have said something more if Marlene hadn't been right there, watching him most suspiciously.

Sirius was breathing heavily through his nostrils.

"Tell me where you heard this, Jorkins." he commanded. He had a menacing, half crazed look in his eye, and I knew that if Bertha had any brains in that pudding-like head of hers, she wouldn't give him a cute answer.

Bertha, apparently, had more brains than she let on.

"Your brother."

All color drained from Sirius's face.

"_Regulus?_" He hissed, "She- she effing told _Regulus_, but not _me_?" He stormed off, and he went, not to Andromeda, but out of the Great Hall altogether. We all looked at James expectantly, and he shrugged.

"How the hell do you expect me to know?" he said to our unasked question.

* * *

After dinner, I went straight to my dormitory. There was nobody else there; they were probably all in the common room. That, I decided, was fine by me. I sat by the window and gazed out at all of Hogwarts. Lights still twinkled merrily from the other towers, and every once in a while a dark silhouette would pass across them. The moon was waxing, only a few days from being full, and its beams were completely unconcealed by clouds, allowing an almost eerie light to be cast on the grounds.

I felt, for a moment, the inexplicable urge to launch myself out the window, to fly and be, no matter how fleetingly, a part of that beauty. The thought quickly passed, but the moon still pulled me in with its clear and pensive face. I turned away from the window long enough to find an inkpot, a quill, and two scraps of parchment. Then, I opened the window and with a motion I had perfected since first year, I swung myself onto the roof.

Once I was there, I felt like I was being soaked in liquid silver. I breathed the crisp air in, then, slowly, let it out. I turned over on my stomach, unscrewed the inkpot, and started writing on the first piece of parchment, which I had against one of the large smooth strips that covered the roof.

_Dear Mum, I started,_

_How are you and Carlos? Things are going great here- Sirius is being a typical boy, as always. Lily says hello, of course._

I paused, thinking of what I could possibly say. Coming to the conclusion that there was nothing that was really worth writing about, I began to write a letter, not to her, but to myself.

_I think, sometimes, that I must be the only one who feels like I do. I wonder if you feel that way, Mum? Perhaps you did, back when you and Daddy got a divorce. If you felt this way, then I suppose that I don't blame you so very much._

I smiled bitterly and dipped my quill into the inkpot.

_You see, it's not at all that I'm not happy, because I am, for the most part, anyway. I don't even feel like I'm hiding how I feel, because when I'm with other people, I feel the way I appear. But it's times like this- sitting on a rooftop, writing a letter I know I won't send you, that I start to think. And when I think, I can't quite- can't say exactly how I feel, and that's probably the most frustrating part. If I'm not able to tell myself, how can I tell anyone else?_

_Urgh. What a horrid letter. Never fear, Mummy, I promise to burn it._

_Love, Alice_

I sighed, looking at it. It had scratch-out marks all over it, and my handwriting, which was never neat, looked like chicken scratch. I crumpled it up and stuck it into my pocket. However, I didn't feel like going in, and there was still a perfectly good piece of parchment to work with. I wet my quill, then started on the next letter, this time addressing it to my father. As always, I had to have one for each.

_Dear Dad,_

_How are you? The last time I saw you, you were still apologizing about that trip to Majorca. Don't worry about it, honestly._

_Truth be told, what I'd really like from you, more than any holiday or present, is for you to start taking care of yourself. Really Dad; I know I don't see very much of what's going on, but I know enough. You're dating girls only a few years older than me, and your drinking hasn't gotten any better. Really, what do you like so much about a firewhiskey that makes it so much better than me or Mum? I know I'm not supposed to ask, but Merlin, how can I not?_

Angrily, I rammed the quill into the inkpot, getting flecks of ink all over my hands. I didn't care.

_Daddy, I wrote my letter that I won't send to Mum about my problems, but you have so many problems that I have to write your to-be-burned letter about yours. I'm only sixteen, Dad! I shouldn't have to think about your problems!_

_I feel so horrible writing this, so yes, I will burn it, but one day I will ask you about this. I can only hope that you have more answers than I do, because sometimes I suspect you have just as little of a clue, if not less, what you're on about._

_Love, Alice_

I used my wrists to wipe the tears from my eyes, and used my sleeve to keep my nose from running for lack of handkerchief. I crumpled the second letter, then put it in the same pocket I'd put the first one in. I felt like a burden had lifted from my chest and fallen into my pocket, a burden I hadn't even realized I carried.

After a long time up there, or perhaps a minute- time passed differently under that moon- I slipped back into the room and unnoticed into my bed. There would be time for burning letters and confronting pregnant girls and changing my pathetic ways later. For now, for that night, I was one with the universe.


End file.
